Week 10

Originally, I was planning on coming up with more creative titles than simply the week number but I think I am just going to stick with this... it feels like an accomplishment every time I type the increasing number each week. That may change eventually. Who knows?! Woo.

Well... this week... what to write? Work was good. We took the girls to the pool on Monday and to the lake Tuesday to hang out with a youth group. Every night I went over to the house of my boss/friend, Sarah. We attempted to watch a movie Sunday night but ended up rewinding like 3 or 4 times because we kept talking. Eventually we stopped rewinding it and just kept talking. I think I will watch the movie when I am on night shift this next week.

Tuesday night Sarah and I took one of the JYA/RVCA girls to the ER because she was having "chest pain". Two weeks ago, she "tore" a ligament in her shoulder, this week she found lump that MUST be cancer, and there was something else... maybe a "broken" ankle... I can't remember. Basically, I am 99.9% sure she was NOT actually having chest pain but we can't take chances. We were at the ER from 11pm to 5:30am so I went into work at noon. This reminded me of when I was in Canada at MWA (the program/boarding school I went to), I tried to break my ankle every day for the first few weeks so that I would have to be sent home. hahah I am now grateful God made my bones steel but at the time I was quite upset with Him over that fact. The things we do sometimes...

I went to counseling for the second time today. It was AWESOME. I am excited to see what God is going to do in and through me during this season of life. So far it has been quite difficult but really good.

Anna was telling me last week something about how one of the roots of the word "grace" in the Greek is "thankfulness" and another is "joy". So I prayed that God would reveal areas in my life in which I am/can be thankful to God in order that I might be reminded of His Grace so that I can live joyfully, having full confidence in His goodness. I needed to do this because I was on the verge of living in a combination of self-pity and fear that life will only ever be hard.

God has been so good. My idols have been further exposed--specifically my desire to be in control of my life and comfort myself when I am anxious. Jan, Anna's mom, told something that resonated with me today: anxiety is not the enemy, it is simply a feeling. One that I don't need to kill but one that I can simply feel and pray through. She has told me this many, many times and will have to many, many more. When I actually do that--pray through my anxiety and ask Jesus where He is in it--I know I have been freed from it but I keep going back to trying to deal with it on my own. I am quite glad that God is enduring and will continue to pursue me when I run from Him and try to do this life by my own strength.

Steve Tompkins, Anna's family friend and pastor at Mars Hill (Seattle, NOT Michigan) told her that there are two requirements that have to be met in a relationship before you decide to marry a man. The first is that you respect him in general but especially that you respect him spiritually. The second is that you and he are good buddies.

Another thing--While I was still dating the guy I talked about last week, I kept freaking out that I would keep dating him when I shouldn't. That fear was a result of the fact that I didn't really believe God would tell me whether or not I should stop dating him. Guess what? He told me! Crazy. God is faithful AND trustworthy AND He will protect me? Heck. Yes. He is/will. Going on two dates with the guy was an act of repentance/obedience since I usually run from guys when they actually show interest in me. "Ending it" was also an act of repentance/obedience because I knew he was not someone I would respect spiritually or who would lead me spiritually.

So this post, as usual, has been kind of "stream of consciousness" rather than having a definite structure. Sorry... but I am not really that sorry or I would change it. hah.