Week 19

Well. Working 5 days is definitely challenging and I am QUITE glad that my bosses have decided that 4 days on and 3 days off is best. Even though it was hard to work that much and by the 5th day I had to repeat their questions a few times in my head (or out loud :) ) before I could comprehend what they were asking, I had a lot of fun with the girls. I took three of them to their therapist on Tuesday night. It was very fun because I got to actually talk with them. I think we don't really get to "talk talk" with them much because of how many girls we have and because we are always doing things during the day. So, like I said, it was nice to talk talk with them.

I felt "off" all week and was not able to pin point a reason why so I prayed a lot that God would help me to see what that reason was. (By the way, when I say "off" I mean that I felt really numb and sort of sad and was having a hard time explaining how I was doing to people I talked to on the phone on my days off last week--which are all generally good indications that something is up in my heart/mind that I need to deal with.) I was over at my boss/friend, Sarah's apartment last night after work and I think I figured out what is up--All summer I had been looking to "the wedding" as a goal and the fact that I would be going home and seeing all of my friends and my family kept me from actually dealing with the reality of the fact that "that" season (HIU, Southern CA, being an RA, freedom from a lotttt of the concerns of adulthood, etc.) of my life is over. SO even though I had finished college, moved to Redding and started a "real" job, the reality of the loss of those thing that I had loved so very, very much about being in Southern CA had not set in. SO I think right now, I am grieving those losses. I think it is good. Very good. And very hard.

This weekend, I am staying at the home of the woman I met at Trader Joes back in (I think) July. She and her husband went to San Francisco for the weekend. I was able to meet her husband and have lunch with them both before they headed down to San Fran today. I really like them. A lot. It is very comforting to talk to a woman about Jesus and about what I have been thinking/feeling/etc. God's providence is sooooo uncomprehendable. I get to stay at a REAL house with a REAL kitchen and a REAL cat for threeeee days BY MYSELF! It's an introverted-catloving-"realfood"deprivedindividual's DREAM!

I am going to be hanging out with Sarah and my two women friends in Redding, Jessica and Christa, tomorrow night. We are starting to read through Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology. It. Will. Be. Epic.

I have been praying about and struggling with the fact that the ways God has built and gifted me are not really being used in this season of life (which is good because I am learning to not find my identity in myself/the things God has instilled in me but in God, himself and I am learning to really trust Him... :) Woo). Namely, I miss being able to talk to people about Jesus and about what He is doing in their lives and who they actually are because He said they are that way (confusing...but whatever). Specifically, on Tuesday I had been thinking and praying about this a lot and that night one of my fellow staff members came into my room and expressed that she has been feeling very discouraged and distant from God. AH! I got fireddddd UP! She is going to go over to Sarah's house on Sunday night and we are all going to talk about Jesus. I am exxxxxcccciiiittteeeddddddddddddddddddd! Woo. It's like I should trust Jesus, or something!

Love you all. Please be praying that I keep learning to trust Jesus and that I will love and be kind to my girls. Pray that I learn what I need to learn to be able to speak truth into lives around me AND into my own fears. I have been anxious and I keep catching myself running things other than God. Hmm... Please keep praying for Gabi; my friend who lost her sister. Pray that she feels God's comfort and presence.

Love ya. Peace out playa.