Week 24

The backlash that all of us were bracing ourselves for regarding the investigation of Jessica's baby has not happened. Thank Jesus. Current parents are all very supportive of the ministry. Prospective staff are still interested. I do not know about prospective student's parents yet though. Intakes will be difficult since all of our websites are down for the next few weeks in an effort to keep the students we currently have safe. My bosses told the girls about what happened. They did not tell them anything specific and they told them none of the information that would be especially traumatizing. The girls seem to be doing alright... I don't know though for sure because I was on nights this past week.

Night shift is always nice because I get a little bit of a break and I like having most of my interaction with students be fun/goofy rather than the day shift stuff. I slept in my dorm for the first time since the investigation started last Sunday. To clarify, the investigation of my building was over last Monday but I was too creeped out to stay in there while I was working last week. I then I stayed with the Bailey family on my days off. This week I didn't HAVE TO sleep in my room because on night shift I stay in the girl's dorms in a staff room but I figured that this whole "fear" thing is a little ridiculous since GOD is my Protector and so I slept in there for a few hours on Monday. woo! Take that Satan, ya dumb dumb!! You will NOT win! :)

I stayed with the Bailey's again this weekend. I am quite thankful for them.

I am on day 6 of a cleanse/detox thing in which I take whole food supplements that assist the organs in releasing toxins such as pesticides and other chemicals the body stores and I eat a TON of vegetables and some fruit and meat. Sue Bailey, who is my chiropractor, recommended I do this cleanse so that we can figure out what is going on in my body. As it turns out, I am allergic to wheat/gluten. I have known this since I was seven but have stubbornly refused to believe that it actually affects me... turns out it does! I feel a TON better and I am not even 1/3 of the way through it. Also, I haven't had coffee in 9 days and I feel quite great without it. I had been drinking 30-36 ounces of coffee a day because I was EXHAUSTED all the time. Anyways, that information is not really that exciting...

Well. I am praying about when I am done here. I thinkkkk God has said a specific time but I am avoiding Him now because I don't want to pray and find out that I have to stay longer than what I thinkkkk He said. It's ridiculous. I have been praying about it. Which is kind of paradoxical--praying about my aversion to praying... hmm.

I am beginning to read A Hunger for God by John Piper which is a book about "desiring God through fasting and prayer". Right now I am convicted because I want to leave this place and be home (in Southern CA or in Seattle) more than I want God. It is not that home is bad--it and all "it" entails is a gift from God, but do I really just want the gift or do I want the Giver? If I go home will I get caught right back up into the obsessing/idolizing the things I did at home? (The answer is yes, I probably will, and God would meet me in that.) Is me even wanting to go home like Israel wanting to go back to Egypt? If even the thought of going home is enough to cause me to hide from God in rebellion, should I go home? Is God showing me this part of my heart to say "stay in Redding" or is He showing me all of this to prepare me to go back?

I think, regardless of where I am or where I will be, I want God to bring me back to my rest in Him. (Thus the title of this blog--it's like God is sovereign or something. I had NO idea when I chose that title how very applicable it would be.)

Week 23

It is appropriate that this is the 23rd week I have been here. God is faithful, He has clearly told me the past few weeks that I need to be here. I have been praying that He would give me a sense of purpose because I felt so useless but KNEW that He had/has me here to get to know Him. I am here for a reason.

I don't really want to write the details because it is so incredibly evil/sick/twisted, but my roommates found a dead baby in one of our other coworker's room. We didn't know she was pregnant in the first place so we thought she had just miscarried and was ashamed when it was found Friday. However, as it turns out, she murdered the baby 2 months ago and it's body has been in our dorm.

We are all in shock. We are very unsure of what this will do to the ministry. Most of the students do not know the details of ANYTHING they only know Jessica (the mother) was fired and that she had been pregnant. One of them found out yesterday and her mother pulled her--PLEASE be praying for her. This would be SUCH a traumatic thing as a student to find out about a staff member you trusted. There really is no way we are going to be able to keep this from our girls. The story is spreading via press very, very quickly.

Please pray for the safety of my girls since the exact location of the school has now publicized all over the country and their pimps would very easily be able to find them.

To add to all of it, we are incredibly low on funds and staff. Two of my program's coworkers are quitting this week and so there will be one staff on each shift and an intern for five days a week. Please pray that God would call people to come up and work with us, it will take a specific call from Him to do this. I know I would struggle to accept the job with all of this going on.

Please be praying for the mother of the baby, Jessica Bradford. Pray that Jesus gets her. Pray that she is surrounded by people that realize that ANY of us is capable of the same thing and that GOD loves her and desires for her to come to Him. Pray for her family and her boyfriend--they did not know she was even pregnant.

Please just pray. We need it.

Week 22

Well, the past few weeks have been... a growing experience.

I was thinking and praying about leaving this job due primarily to the isolation that I have been experiencing. As I was praying I felt like God wanted me to stay so that I could see Him make this situation very, very good and thereby increase my faith/hope/trust in Christ. In counseling last week, my counselor felt as though God was saying that this time is an opportunity to learn to rest and let God be the one to comfort me. That is, I think, what God has this time set apart for in my life. Learning to be alone with God in literal isolation so that I can be alone with God in the chaos of "unisolated" life. This job is hard because we don't see the immediate fruit of our labors very much. I have to trust that me loving my girls DOES matter and continue on when it seems pointless at times. That is a verrrrrry good lesson to begin learning.

I have been praying that I will value Christian maturity more than I value comfort. I did NOT want to pray that AT ALL because I like comfort... way too much...but I knew that is exactly what I needed to want so I prayed for God to change my perspective (the concept of Christian maturity/comfort was discussed in a sermon I heard last week).

I was reading an article on a blog called The Resurgence, and it was discussing prayer and one thing the author said to meditate on/pray about is that following would be true: "Your (God's) presence and approval are all I need for everlasting joy". AWESOME, right?! I have BOTH because of Jesus. So, I have been praying about that too.

In counseling this week, my counselor brought up some stuff that I will be praying about. This "stuff" has to do with guys/marriage and fear/terror regarding both and why that fear/terror exists in the first place... so, yeah. If you could pray about that too, that'd be great.

I have been praying about what God has for me after this--NOT dwelling on it, well.. actually sometimes I have been dwelling on it, then I have to repent... mhmmm yep. I really would like to work in Residence Life at a (Christian) College/University again. We'll see what Jesus has.