Week 27

I had fun with my girls this week and it was eventful. All my girls and the ladies I work with (not the "troubled teen" staff but the staff for myyyy girls) went off campus yesterday. We took the girls to In-N-Out and then to see The Help at the dollar theater in town. That movie is amazing; deffffffinitely one of my favorites. Monday night one of my girls was adjusting a mirror in her room and it shattered. One of the large pieces fell and sliced her neck, barely missing her carotid artery. :/ I took her to the ER and they stitched her up. She's fine now but that was a freaky experience.

Jesus let me see how much one of the troubled teen girls has grown in the last 6 months. That was incredibly helpful/encouraging to my heart. He also let me feel the weight of what I am/my work is doing for these girls. It helps to be reminded sometimes because it is easy to get caught up in the daily routine and the stress of being treated....not so great... by a bunch of really loud and moody teenage girls and forget what they are dealing with.

I am often annoyed with myself because I feel that my emotions and thoughts are soooo unstable. I go from being really excited about being here and wanting to leave immediately. It is hard to be away from home right now. When I am working I am fine but on my days off it's hard to not be with my friends and family. I think the fact that Christmas is so close is increasing the difficulty of being here. Also, the fact that HIU had "Biola Bowl" (flag football tourney that I have fond memories of and my dear friends went to) last weekend made me sad.

I've been wanting to be married and have a family lately. I think the wanting to have a family started last month when we found out about Jessica's baby. I have been wanting to hold a baby ever since then. There was a tiny baby girl in the movie theater last night--I kept staring at her and I am sure her mom thought I was CREEEEEPY but I didn't care. I feel like I have expressed this before but I'll say it again: though I am afraid/anxious about being married and about being a mom, I have more consistently been afraid of being a mom than of being married... until now. This whole thing (Jessica's baby) has been something God has used to increase/establish my desire to be a mom.

That brings about a greater struggle with being single and a greater fear that I will never be a wife or a mom. I'm praying about this.

Peace out, girl scout. I love you.